LET THEM
I decided to pick up a book that everyone has been raving about lately- It's called Let Them by Mel Robbins. I'm sure you've heard of it. Apparently its all the rage.
The good news is, its a very quick read, so I didn't have to invest much time to get the main takeaways. Although to be honest, I didn't take much away other than her catchy phrase (which encapsulates truth that any emotionally- introspective, rational person already knows.) Essentially, you can't control the thoughts or behaviors of anyone else, so LET THEM be who they are. And secondly, you can exert tremendous control over your reactions, so LET ME manage my own self the best I can.
Well LET ME be clear (pardon the pun). I'm not here to hate on Mel Robbins. In fact, the part of the book I like best is the introduction where she tells her story- her climb to fame. It's motivating to know how someone set about sharing an inspiring message over and over, until it burst upon the scene and grew into a multi-million dollar empire. Of course there was plenty of right place (TedX) right time in her story, but at least it's sincere. Mostly I appreciate her raw honestly about feeling self-defeat, discouragement and struggling daily to overcome emotional immaturity. That piece, I can relate to.
I also appreciate her bluntness of style. She does have a gift for framing things simply and delivering them succinctly. I particularly loved the section in Chapter 5 where she lays out the bare facts that all people think negative thoughts about each other. ALL PEOPLE. But those fleeting negative thoughts doe not mean they harbor a negative opinion about you as a whole. Just because your kids always leave dirty dishes in the sink and your husband never takes out the trash doesn't mean you don't love them. You may adore a friend but disagree with some of her parenting styles. You may have to share a Thanksgiving meal with a beloved relative who has idiotic political views. And you love them anyways- or at least you try to.
Of course we all know this is true. We all think negative thoughts about each other ALL THE TIME. It may be as simple as "wow that is not a good color on her," to something more complex like, "why is she still dating that jerk?" It could be, "What a pig!" when you enter your son's bedroom, or as Mel confessed "That's disgusting" when her husband rips a big fart each morning. The truth is, WE ALL DO IT. We all think critical thoughts about each other. AND IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL. So we might as well stop worrying what other people think. We can't control their thoughts. Just let them think it. Who cares?
Her point is this- we need to stop letting the fear of others' opinions inhibit our growth. We let fear of what others think stop us from doing many things. I know it stopped me from playing sports. I didn't want to be embarrassed because I didn't have athletic skills. But this also stopped me from dancing- which I love- and singing, and generally ANY kind of performing whatsoever. There's a whole world of "putting myself out there" that I never entered into.
I also appreciate her concepts of comparison. Comparing ourselves to others can either be the thief of joy or a springboard to personal fulfillment. If we get stuck in the toxic form of comparison, we fall into paralysis and self-defeat. This is Satan's #1 weapon- and now he has social media to bludgeon us with even more. But if we use comparison as a teacher, we can learn and grow- we can do what they do and put our own twist on it. We can follow their formula and measure the milestones. If we use comparison as a catalyst for setting goals, we empower ourselves and keep free from the suffocating mire of self-pity.
Ultimately, the theme of this book is about letting go of CONTROL. And I think I understand why so many women I know are raving about it- they tend to be very controlling people. Don't get me wrong- we are ALL controlling in certain spheres. But as a general rule, I don't reach for control nearly as often as my peers do. Of course, I can come apart in stressful situations. I get frustrated when my kids don't follow the rules. But in general I have always been grateful that God didn't make me a "Policewoman." By that I mean, I am somehow missing the control gene that many of my dearest friends have.
So, the fact that many women in my circle rave about this book is probably because it speaks to their over-controlling nature. The ultimate message is to stop exhausting yourself in trying to control other people. Focus instead on controlling yourself. When you totally and completely take your hands off the levers (Jesus take the wheel!) you free yourself from the stress of having everything all figured out.
This concept is not new. In fact, it's very very old... Biblical, actually.
When we put our faith in Jesus, he graciously allows us to cast all our cares upon him. That mildewed laundry your son never moved to the dryer? Jesus may not do the washing, but he can remove the frustration over the job undone. When somebody is unkind to you, Jesus tells you to turn the other cheek. In other words... LET THEM. Galatians Ch5 expounds upon this further-when we walk closely with the Savior, we manifest spiritual fruits of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. In Mel Robbins' language- that's the perfect definition of LET THEM. Let others say what they want and be who they are, because as a follower of Christ, you're too busy working on yourself to let it bother you.
So while I don't feel like I've had a great epiphany, I also don't feel that this book was a waste of time. I always try to find nuggets of wisdom in everything I read (and if I can't find wisdom, I search for wit- I am, after all, a collector of quotes.) Besides, it's always good to give yourself a kick in the pants sometimes. Mel Robbins has a knack for calling people to action- for lighting a fire under their butts, so to speak. And it's always beneficial to light a firecracker under your seat every now and again!
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